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“Grab her by the pussy” is something I’ve taught every single one of my friends when showing them how to throw a bowling ball. You gotta grab the ball by the pussy. Everybody knows that.

I teach all my friends how to bowl. The world revolves around me, by the way. You know what’s up.

I’ve said similar lewd things in the locker room too, I guess. I understand where Trump is coming from. My friend, Sam. Him and I, for instance, were standing there naked. You know. In the locker room. Then I realized that we’d been in the locker room changing all these years, you know? But neither of us had been naked together at the same time. And I told him– this is filthy, I swear to god– I told him that if he wanted to grab me by– hold on. Never mind.

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