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next great american novel

“She has gap teeth,” Weevil said.

“No she doesn’t,” I cried. It was true, however. Laura has a gap tooth. Or, more plurally, gap teeth.

Now listen, something that’s really attractive to me is a woman with big ass fucking teeth. I love teeth that would fit Bugs Bunny if Bugs Bunny were real life. Then again, if Bugs Bunny were real life I’d probably be fucking him because of his big ass fucking teeth and wacky sense of humor.

Laura has big ass fucking teeth. They’re gorgeous. The front two are especially big. And when I met her there was just the slightest of a gap those beautiful goddamn chompers. But two years on and her teeth have slowly grown apart. I didn’t want to bring it up before because I thought you would judge me for my taste in women but I also realize I’d happily admit to giving Bugs Bunny a rim job.

At first I denied it. In fact, I’m still denying it.

“Do I have gap teeth?” she asked me a couple months ago. I remember it like it was yesterday: we were naked in her parents’ bathroom. Everybody was home.

“I mean, there’s definitely space between your teeth,” I said.

“Space is infinite,” she said.

“That’s a facebook meme,” I said. Laura isn’t very smart so I call her out on it often.

“No it’s not,” she said. “I saw it on I Fucking Love Science.”

“And where’s I Fucking Love Science?” I asked.

Laura, my beautiful queen, crossed her legs and bit her lip. Her outtie vagina and gap teeth were hidden from my view.

She’s maybe an 8/10 I thought.

I turned around and asked her again. “And where, Laura, can I find the I Fucking Love Science page on the internet?”

She uncrossed her legs and smiled stupidly. “Facebook?”

It was cute. I mean, she’s totally stupid and has a gap tooth, but besides that and the fact she cheated on me, what’s the problem?