The Neighbors Are Getting Suspicious of Me

The neighbors are getting suspicious of me. I probably had it coming though, building a huge watch tower in my backyard and everything. Well, that my constant playing of my “Halloween Sounds and Frights” playlist.

And the lions.

I mean, they have every reason to be suspicious but they shouldn’t be staring at me in the backyard. It’s downright creepy. A guy should be able to perform his ritualistic sacrifices in peace sometimes. My cult friends and I were filming a simple gladiator match to send to Johnny Knoxville for the next season of Jackass the other day and the neighbors called the cops on us for being too loud. Um, I’m sorry, but I can’t control my friends’ screams of pain.

Don’t blame all of them though…Dave was really loud. He was the loudest, actually; he kept screaming, “SHOOT IT! JUST SHOOT THE FUCKING LION!”. Dave must have forgotten that guns would have been anachronistic in a Gladiator-like setting and would have been out of place and it would have been louder than his screams of pain and anguish. Maybe if I had a silencer…but those cost money… eh. Maybe next time.

Sorry, Dave.

The fireworks must be pissing them off too, but I don’t know why. Fireworks are beautiful. The police said that my neighbors had little children, but wouldn’t that just be a benefit to me? Kids love fireworks. Except deaf kids. But in respect to that, nobody loves deaf kids; they never listen.

Sometimes I’ll sit up in the tower and watch my neighbors– who are watching me. They think they’re getting the last laugh, but they aren’t: I have cameras monitoring their house. So even when the neighbors are watching me I’m watching them– in person and on my 40 inch monitor. That’s like watching them twice as much as they watch me.

Maybe I should call the cops on them. That’d be a treat. I’ll just say they’re invading my privacy by constantly watching me.

Hm. Forty inches… Brb, I think I know what kind of movie looks really good on a 40 inch screen and sounds like four guys anally penetrating Jessica Drake.

This acid’s tight.

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